By Terri Romanoff-Newman, PhD, L.P.
Children can feel shocked when seeing their parent’s dating, but especially early on in the divorce process.
1. If you are considering dating, it is a good idea not to include the children unless this is a person with who you have been in a relationship long enough to know that he or she is a “keeper.”
2. Many people have said that dating when you have children can be successful when people have been in relationships about six months before you begin including the children.
3. Although you may have a desire to share your joy with your children, they are not in the same place as you are; they are not always happy to have the other parent leave. In fact, one of their number one wishes may be to have their parents back together again.
4. If you think that person is a keeper, then very gradually introduce that person to the children on a casual basis. You can then see how the children react and answer any questions they may have.
5. Children tend to become easily attached to others and can suffer loss and grieve when these people leave their lives, just the way we do. As parents our job is to be very careful to keep this happening to a minimum. Sometimes it just cannot be helped, and then there is another life lesson for children to go through.
6. Talking to your children about how you feel about that person and asking them if they have had fun are good ways to break the ice as well as having fun with the other person’s children. Always make sure that you have plenty of alone time with your children and that your significant other does not dominate your time together so your children do not feel deprived of their already divided time with you.
7. Sleepovers are better left to when your children are not present or when a permanent living situation is decided. It may well be a shock for a child to see his mom or dad in bed with a parent other than the parent he or she has always known. Don’t be surprised if there is some resentment for a period of time.